It has always been about His grace.
For all the people who have known me, they can always tell (some actually did) that I am not the same person that they used to know. Probably, I’m worse (than better). Actually, they are right, and it is only just recently that I finally admitted it to me and to God that I love Him less than I had loved him before. Maybe, some would be shocked, but that’s the truth. Although it is evident, since I complain more than I thank; I hate more than I forgive; and I criticize more than I compliment. I can tell that I am a Christian, but maybe, an average Christian. But you don’t measure it that way.
Yes, I do His call. I obey most of His commandments, and I do what Christians all around the world do: pray, read the Bible, and be like Christ. However, Jesus has placed a hole in my heart and He made me notice it just in time before I come to quit when all areas of my world fall apart. To be honest, I experienced burnout with everything; I grew tired with all the things around me. Actually, I just realized that the troubled seas do not only happen in the New Testament times; but it does in our time, in our age. Problems keep on challenging me and testing my faith that it had to block my eyes to the blessings that He has always prepared for me. Still, I thank the Lord that He did not quit on me.
The grace of Jesus that I received recently is as wonderful as I did many years ago when I accepted Him as my Lord and Savior. It just happened in a time that I did not expect it to happen. I was not prepared, but as I feel His love once again filling my tired spirituality and conquering all my doubts, frustrations, regrets, and dilemmas, I can’t help but to well up my eyes with tears like someone who just had an answered prayer. My spirit is renewed and my heart starts to beat again like a dead one that came back to life. I can’t help but to praise and worship God for His glory over my life.
Actually, I have regular conversations with God. We always talk, but I usually do the talking. Perhaps, it has been my closed ears and heart that make my walk with Him become stagnant (not to mention the petty sins that I have been committing over and over again. I often take Him for granted, and I made several bargains and compromises with Him that only then that I realized how unworthy I am to receive His unrelenting grace.
The experience I had–I believe–is so embarrassing, yet I am confident to tell it to the world (perhaps, to the people I know and dear with) because I finally met my Savior again in the most amazing encounter. I can’t compare it to anything. Perhaps, it may be greater than the experience of Nicodemus or the Samaritan woman. But I believe every believer has his own cherishing encounters with the Savior, and what I had is just one story worth telling.
It was just like the Father calling me to come back home. I can hear Him saying, “It’s okay. I forgive you, and I love you.” I feel like Jesus embracing me while removing my pains, hurts, and sins. I feel like He’s renewing me from inside out. The heart of my life verse Matthew 11:28 has become my comfort after a long tiring sprint. I praise and thank the Lord for this.
I know… This change is simple, but it’s not going to be easy. Since I have God, I think I don’t have to be afraid because He is greater than anything else this world has to offer. I am now on a journey to be closer to Him more each day, moment by moment.
Finally, I feel the love of my Savior, and I am starting love Jesus greater than before…