If you go to Touch of Glory Prayer Mountain, they have this kind of cubicle that they call “prayer cell.” It’s somewhat as big as a normal comfort room cubicle. The only difference is that it doesn’t have a bowl. Instead, it has wooden floor, a mini-table, a pillow, and a chair.
It is not my first time to be in that cell, but my experience praying inside made me feel that it seemed to be a first time.
At first, I never knew what to pray to God since I have been praying in the prayer garden. I have told Him already everything I wanted to tell Him all these days. That I need to know His plans for me. I prayed about my decisions, my future work, and everything that bothers me. I told Him all my sentiments about being 24 who’s still acting like a teenager. I said almost all, so I did not know what to say when I sat on the floor inside that cell.
Perhaps, the Holy Spirit moved in mysterious ways. I haven’t uttered the first words when I began to cry, to sob, and eventually to burst in tears. I started to confess the sins I committed that day, the day before that, and the days I do not remember anymore. Actually, I do not remember at all when was the last time I had the opportunity to grieve while confessing my sins. It must have been a very long time ago.
I do confess my sins everyday since I follow the ACTS prayer model which stands for adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication. Most of the time, I pray that way. Although I do all of that in one prayer, I sometimes compromise the gravity of each due to my busy schedules. There are times that
I pray without fervency. I rush with my words, and the next moment I just say Amen. During those busy days, I just pray for few minutes. Because of that, I really cherished the times like this to cry out to God asking for forgiveness for sins I am still guilty yet pretended to have forgotten all of them.
That experience not only gave me a chance to confess wholeheartedly and sincerely, it also taught me a great lesson about confession. I realized that we never confess the way we should be.
Imagine somebody has wronged you. It is innate in us to feel hurt and we would not forgive that person unless he apologizes to you. We are aware of the offenses of our offenders, but even though we were taught to love our enemies, it is always hard for us to forgive. Why? Because we didn’t hear their “sorry.” But even if they did say the magic word, they didn’t seem to mean it. And the greater the offense, the harder for us to forgive, and the grander apology we expect. That’s our human nature.
Of course, the Lord is not like that. He is God, and He is merciful unlike us. Unfortunately, we took that mercifulness of the Lord for granted. We know that He is forgiving, so we think that sorry is enough. I was not yet a parent, but by imagining the parable of the prodigal son, who am I not to forgive if my son runs home and ask for forgiveness. Sometimes, I realize that my sorry is not enough. I am guilty of those empty words that became part of my prayers all these years. Now, I learned that I have to be more sincere if ever I will use them again especially when I say it to the Lord.
This is only a reminder how loving the Lord is. His grace is never-ending and his unconditional love is indescribable. The next time we say sorry to Him might be the most dramatic page in our story that we would love to read forever.