Finally, before the love month ends, I’ve fallen in love again.
I must admit that February 2016 is a torture. It really was until today.
On the last days of January, I used to joke that “Days run so fast, it’s already March” as if February never exists, but no doubt, this month exists and that’s a fact everyone of us should accept. That includes me.
Why did I claim that February is a torture wherein fact, it should be something that will make everyone happy. I am not so sure with the single people, and again, that includes me.
Social media have flaunted several posts of people who are happy to be in love. There are posts that shout their madness and their feelings toward their partners. TV series, movies, songs, and other pop consumables sell romance, and it’s hard for those who have only half of the heart to celebrate with those who are actually glad that they are in relationship.
(Not that I don’t want someone as of the moment, but that is a different story, which I am still keeping to my self until that finally materialize. Of course, after I made the moves and that is still upto God.)
With the pressure of the requirements in my studies and things that I have to do–including the hurt that I just felt this month–I feel so much empty and I am yearning for a taste of love.
Actually, it’s not yet late to receive the blessing of love.
Like any other Sunday, I went to church to worship God. But this Sunday, I carried with me the bitterness and emptiness that I always keep to myself. Yes, I show something different to my family, to my workmates, and friends, but what I feel inside is something I can’t hide from God.
Definitely, I need love.
And that love has been given to me.
During the praise and worship, I just sang the same songs with almost the same band who usually lead the congregation every Sunday. I stayed on the same position I usually sit during service, but I am glad that despite the normality of the occasion, I felt the love of Jesus in an extraordinary way.
The lyrics of the song that we sang seemed thrusting my heart. Singing songs to the Lord reminded me of His love. Something that I might be missing for a period of time.
I do pray regularly and that is in some parts of the day. Therefore, it’s everyday. I have devotion, but I can’t totally say that I enjoy stillness and quiet time with God because during most of those devotions, I still get distracted.
It was the time while singing and feeling the moment of worshipping the Lord did remind me that I might have slowed down with my intimacy with Jesus. Maybe, the heart of my problem is the problem of my heart.
That moment, I experienced singing the songs as if singing them for the first time. The line “You took away my pain And Your love, and Your love will remain.” remove the heavy burden that causing my sadness all along. I can’t help but smile and shed tears at the same time. It is indeed the most romantic date I had this month. The Lord is so sweet that He chose me today.
I miss Jesus so much, and I miss the kind of closeness that we usually have. I intended to please Him in my arrival to church, and I didn’t expect that He has greater thing prepared for me. I never deserve it, but that makes me feel even greater that I am special to Him.
JESUS FULLY MAN and FULLY GOD
Today’s message also reminded me who Jesus is and He should be in my life.
“My belief in Him will determine how I live at present and how I will spend my eternity.” Then, who is Jesus now to me?
I need to confess that I always believe in Him as my Savior and He died and rose again to pay for my sins that I forget that He is also my Lord and with that being said, He must be actually the Lord in all aspects of my life.
Is Jesus my Lord only during Sundays? During worship service? During devotions? During prayer time? The message challenged me to consider who He is during the time I am at work, at school, at home, and at any other place? The love that I felt again this particular Sunday not only helped me feel something precious, but also helped me realize something I need to remember every day. I have to place Jesus on top of all my priorities. He must be the Lord all over me.
Besides his Lordship, I came to remember that Jesus is just a prayer away. If there’s someone who will understand my pains, my battles, and my frustrations, it’s Jesus — who became man 2,000 years ago, and He’s available now to any 21st century problem that I need Him to help me. I know He’ll listen. I’m sure He listens.
Now, I am not bitter with love month because Jesus loves me. For me, that matters than anything else.
Finally, love happened to me.