I usually have my prayers answered by God in a way that I desire them to be.
When this year started, I have one prayer that the Lord denied and that really broke my heart. I know that it’s final that His answer and “no” and I feel so down that He never said yes to it.
Of course, I did not backslide or turn away from Him, but I naturally feel bad about what happened. Sometimes, I asked God whether is a punishment to me or it is a way to show me that He doesn’t love me that much anymore.
My feelings about what happened remind me some of the stories in the Bible when God said no. I also remember my favorite book of Mitch Albom which is “For One More Day.”
In his book, Albom has snippets of two juxtaposed scenes: the moment that He failed his mother and the moment that his mother did not fail him.
I realized that should not resent on God for there are more prayers that he responded positively than my one prayer that he dismissed. Maybe, he has something else for me or I might not be able to handle it yet. All my other prayers were answered, and there are so many other things that I have never prayed for but he gave generously
Also, I feel guilty because although he did not fail me with many of my prayers, I have failed him in some ways that I should have done better for him. There are things that I should have done for Him, but I chose not to do otherwise because of long list of excuses. If I feel bad about God, He might feel the same way towards me. But instead of hating me, He continues to shower me with blessings to show me how much He loves me. God’s love is really amazing that my feeling is nothing compared to his grace.