The moment that I have been praying to God has finally happened.
Just a few weeks after my practicum, I enrolled to the greatest battle of my life — writing my thesis.
The enrollment was in January, and from that moment, I tried to visualize myself working in sleepless nights and tiresome afternoons just to write my topic proposal.
The first batch was supposed to be in January, but I postponed my proposal because I haven’t worked on it after my practicum. I waited until after the thesis orientation before I started revising the proposal that I submitted in my practicum.
After several weeks of writing and rewriting my paper, the day has finally come – my topic defense.
The thrill has overpowered me since the day I woke up. The day seemed to be an ordinary day like the rest of my other days. It was only different because I have to engage in a battle that I hoped I would win.
I attempted to have some exercise in the morning. Unfortunately, it was hard for me to breathe while doing few sets of my exercise; so I decided to stop.
Honestly, I rehearsed how to deliver my presentation. I also practiced answering questions that might be asked to me after my presentation of my topic. I attempted to address the blind spots of my study that I had to abuse my mind with the best and worst things that might happen. My imagination was intense even the actual moment hasn’t occurred yet.
I journeyed to the campus as early as I could, so I could still buy some snacks for my panel. Doing those other chores was easier. However, I had to place the tip of my ass when I rode the jeepney. The feeling of dropping sweat and stronger pumping in my heart intensified the daunting emotion inside me. I had to face it.
When I arrived, I saw my classmate, who will also defend on that day. We exchanged words, stories, and predictions of what was about to happen. We expected the best and the worst, and we felt even more excited about it.
We thought that it would only take us 10 minutes to present, and the entire process would be 30 minutes per person only to find out that the first two presenter took almost an hour to present. The next two presenters took the same length of time before I had my turn.
My PowerPoint was ready, and all the words were prepared to escape from my mouth coming from my mind when I thought that that was really the time that I have been waiting for.
I looked to each of my professors. I was facing a jury composed of 7 professors, most of them hold doctorate degrees. I had four of them in some of my subjects. They were supposed to be 8, and the one who was not around was also my professor. I can’t explain the feeling to stand there finally and share what I had to present.
I remember that since the day I started doing the drafts and my powerpoint, my prayer has become longer, stronger, and more earnest that all my strength has been coming from God. I really count on God for this battle, and up to the last minute of my presentation, I was counting on Him.
The presentation went the way I planned it. I felt that I was displaying my nervousness. My ears heard the words that I somewhat mispronounced because of my nervousness. Some of the asides and adlibs that I practiced have gone in oblivion. I was not so sure whether I was going to make it or not.
I just remembered that one of my professors cheered me up the night before I presented and another professor gave feedbacks on my work. All of them kept showing us a smile of support whenever they left the room to go to the washroom.
After I presented, I was glad that they responded positively. I was terrified with the silence. The first one who spoke was my professor who has a prominent profound impression to her students. She was actually one of the most brilliant professors that I had. I had her class two semesters ago, but I was glad because she was able to inject one of my memorable activities and she shared it with the group. I was also inspired when they complimented my quality of voice even though I feel that my voice displayed my fear inside.
I was worried about so many comments because the previous presenters stayed longer hours. My classmate before me actually lasted for an hour. According to him, our professors really enjoyed his defense that everyone was interested in giving comments. I was afraid that they might not be interested at all, but I was glad that it wasn’t the case.
I prepared for so many questions, but I only got three points to consider for my topic proposal. I was really glad that those things were amenable. My professors were actually supportive. Although questions were not asked, I am glad how it turned out.
After the feedback, I was requested to leave the room for deliberation. My heart was pounding so fast, and when I returned they broke the news–my topic was accepted.
That was one of the happiest day of my 2016. Although it was just Step 1 and 2 of my entire thesis writing life, the beginning was indeed very special to me. I didn’t mind the sweat that was running out all over my body. I filled out the forms that I had to submit, and my blood circulation was intense as I wrote in script on the forms.
The feeling that I was answering the forms of the approval of my topic and request for my thesis adviser was really unexplainable. I let the program adviser and DCI chair sign the forms, and I was glad that I finally made it. I would welcome any adviser who will be assigned to me, but I was glad that who my practicum professor was.
I am happy that my topic was already approved. I thank the Lord for his endless favor. I can’t help but smile.