I am writing this before I prepare and sip my coffee for the night. I just want to write it without intensity but with plain clarity and sincerity.
The last time I check I am okay, and hopefully, it’s real. For quite a long time, I’ve been harboring animosity that contained me through the passing days. I have never expected to experience such pain. I think I don’t deserve to feel an uncontainable pain. Do I?
For the past months, the Lord and anyone who knew me well can attest how much commitment I gave to a particular area of my life. Sweat. Blood. All my heart. All my life.
Maybe, there’s something in giving your all and giving your best that maybe a particular group of people will take advantage of it and take it for granted. It was only recently that I realized that the world is not a perfect place. There will be times that we will encounter dark hours or dark moments of our life that would be too much to bear. Probably, I’ve entered that phase of my life recently.
I had a myriad of very challenging experiences, but this is the heaviest and the worst.
I hope it will end soon. As soon as possible. Well, actually it is. And I can’t wait the day that finally, I can say that it totally ended.
Gone are the days that I believe that this one is the best when all that happened to me is shouting out loud that it’s the worst. Anyway, what’s the point? Besides, I no longer care. It’s just a memory I would like to erase. I want to forget.
I am sure that only few people are reading my blog especially when there’s no hashtag, and if you happen to be close to me and find this one, I am not begging you to understand, but I hope you will just respect it. I hope that’s not too much to ask.
From now on, I will not think about it. I hope, I’ll not feel it as well. I should. I must. I will.
Although this grey area of my life occupies a portion in my heart, I am still happy that the rest have not collapsed. They remain the best for me. I will just keep my eyes on them.
Now, I am ready to move on. It’s final.